Loss

I agree that it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. What I don’t understand is why it has to hurt so much.

Loving him is the warmth of the sun on a cloudless summer's day, the taste of chocolate melting in my mouth, and the comfort of the doll or security blanket that we all carried around as children.

Losing him is another story entirely.

Losing him is waking up to find that it’s somehow winter again, that the chocolate that tasted so good in my mouth has done Mariah Carey proud and migrated to my thighs, and that the cherished security blanket has been lost to the big wide world…

It's standing in the center of a gale as the wind screams around me and being stuck deaf, and standing at the veterinarian's side as he injects that lethal shot: necessary, but more painful than anything has a right to be.

I did this to myself.

I didn’t lose him: I gave him up.

I listened to logic and I tore my heart out.

*******************************

He said he wasn’t satisfied.

Complicated, that’s what he classified.
There weren’t any commonalities.
It was a clash of our personalities.
I wanted to work this out.
He couldn’t think anything but doubt.
He did it.
He said this time it was legit.
He broke my heart.
Into a million little parts.
He was my soul mate.
But now it’s too late.
I will always love him, till the day I die.
That was never a lie.
He was not only my lover, but my best friend.
My heart will need time to mend.
Always, I will love you George Nelson Hathaway.
Please don’t ever go away
☹

-Michael Alexander Castanon